We are adapting as we learn this online way of life!
Here are the Next Steps, that are normally printed in the church bulletin:
1. Read a passage a day or download the app "Pray as you Go" (pray-as-you-go.org) and follow
2. Join our online Pray & Connect group, every Tuesday at 1:00 pm, on Zoom
3. Reach out - call neighbors or friends
4. Give of yourself to help others
Greetings Friends --
What a journey we are on together. With the #StayHomeSaveLives order now given, we need to rethink church, rethink connection, rethink this journey together for a longer period of time.
This means all our gatherings “at the building” through Easter and beyond, at this point in time, are canceled: The Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday & Good Friday service, Easter Sunrise, Easter Breakfast, Easter services and Day of Action, all are canceled. We will be offering links to events for these times. I will be offering daily prayer services during Holy Week online. We will find ways to connect.
There is interest in offering the Gifts and Talents Workshop again while we are trapped (aka, at home, with #StayHomeSaveLives) and perhaps need a new way to connect, think, dream and move forward. The workshop is a marvelous journey. So, more information will follow on this.
I am offering weekly times of prayer and connection on a weekly ZOOM call every Tuesday at 1 pm. You simply put this address into your web browser or phone at this number (669 900 6833) and we can connect, pray and share together.
You may have seen the FACEBOOK event that the church is seeking to identify those in need to help them get groceries, care for needs, transportation to the doctor, or help with income gaps. We can begin with prayer. But if you would like to give “above and beyond giving” toward a fund at the church to help folk, designate your extra gifts to “Helping Hands.” And if you need assistance, give me a call. Let’s connect you with the resources you need.
As we seek new ways to go about our lives, a friend’s blog reminded me of how much detail the Old Testament gave to the people journeying into and through their wilderness.
There are an inordinate number of details given to specific worship and sacrificial practices for these displaced people who had known only slavery for some 10 generations. They didn’t know how to be a people with identity, with a government, religious practice, educational system, system of daily living for themselves. To us the many details of Exodus and Leviticus, especially, might seem tedious. But for these people, God was helping them create space, create a means to replace their slavery mindsets with a new identity; it was space in which to worship, reflect and learn.
In this time in our wilderness, find ways to make the space for worship, reflection, and continued spiritual development.
Here’s some ideas for how to do that in these very odd times:
For Sunday morning worship online at 9 am here is our weekly link . I invite you to think about how to recreate the sanctuary in your home. See if you can remove distractions, sit in the room with the least clutter and the most open space. Participate by listening to and singing along or reading the psalms and prayers, like usual. Come willing to share. I invite you to mute your own microphone when you are not speaking in conversational moments. This cuts down on background noises -- dogs, slurps, side conversations, etc. In this worship setting, we are having you download links to suggested music (found in the chat section), which then we each listen to on our own devices. I love watching you all as you sway, sing, and participate on mute. Music does not work on most of these “meeting links” that’s why we are listening to the songs ourselves while muted. We are trying to be as familiar online as in person, so it might help you to recreate the space in your home too.
Make a ritual of each day spending time in scripture and prayer. Continue your own lenten practice each day. Or explore this Methodist website that offers the morning prayers from the Anglican tradition. They are beautiful.
Connect with each other. On top of my weekly Tuesday Zoom call, I invite you to connect. Call, email, write one another. You can find the directory on our website. Or email Virginia at office@westsidejourney.org and she will help you connect to it. But don’t wait: call, email, or send a letter to people in your life. Make time to call someone to mind, write something, and send it as a great way to start or end your day.
God gave the people in scripture rituals and specific instructions to sustain them through so, so much -- it was a 40-year “#ObeyGodSaveLives” order as they wandered in the desert. But God sustained and grew them even “through” that season. God demonstrated inordinate care for them, even though they rejected much of what God offered. So, for us, let’s seek to be intentional about our space and how we spend our time, and God will sustain us too.
There is a weekly time to connect also with our District Superintendent and many clergy and other local church laity at noon on Mondays which is a great time of prayer, devotion and sharing as well. Join in that time at this link: https://greaternw.zoom.us/j/894709064
There are ways to connect. We will publish other means as soon as we learn of them. And if you are planning groups, please let Virginia know so we can make those known.
Grace to you all! This is a new season for us.
Love in Christ,
Brian
We will continue to worship online this Sunday, March 22, in accordance with the bishop’s directive. If you can’t join in on Sunday morning, Pastor Brian has a plan for you, outlined below.
To join us online, click here. You will be prompted to install the Webex application if you haven’t done so already. The link should go directly to the worship service at 9:00 am on Sunday. If the link doesn’t work for you, go to webex.com, click ‘Join’ and enter these details:
Meeting number (access code): 628 983 030
Meeting password: Q3fdYt4WEw3
You may also join using a smartphone by calling 408-418-9388.
Pastor Brian’s alternate plan for those unable to join on Sunday morning:
A. Listen to your favorite worship song
B. Read Isaiah 53 and Acts 8 and think about the parallels between the experience of Philip with the Ethiopian Eunuch and the descriptions used in Isaiah 53 about this "Servant" this "Lamb." Also, compare this to John 1:29 where John the Baptist says "Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world." Notice: Philip preaches about Jesus based upon Isaiah 53! Philip saw this passage as referring to Jesus and had seen Jesus go through what was described in Isaiah 53.
C. Answer these questions: What do I learn about Jesus from the writing of Isaiah? How have I let Jesus carry my sins? What sins/guilt feel the heaviest to me today? (make a list)
D. Pray, uplift that list and welcome Jesus into your list. Also pray for those struggling in this season, for income loss, for difficulties.
E. Listen to another worship song.
Closing Thoughts from Pastor Brian: We do not know what will be happening with this virus. We will seek to keep you informed. We have done everything we know to do to keep you safe in the building when we do get to be together again. At this point, we plan to worship again in the building on March 29. If that changes, we will plan alternative worship settings. Thanks for walking in this season together. Stay connected! Call people. Touch base. Show love.
Some thoughts before you join the worship service online this Sunday:
It started with the word from the Lord: “Go to the desert road.” In obedience Philip went and there and then given further instructions. The long and short of this was a conversation with a stranger who happened to be reading from this chapter in Isaiah we have been studying. Philip listening and obeying ended up in a conversation with a man from a foreign country in town just for the festival. He probably was Jewish because of the witness centuries earlier of Queen Esther, who had visited Solomon beginning a Jewish community there. However, here he had been, and here he was perplexed reading Isaiah -- and God sent someone to explain it to him.
I’ve wondered in life how many such appointments I have missed caught up in my own schedule or fears to take notice. But I love the story from Acts 8. And I love this line in that passage, “Beginning with that very passage, Philip preached Jesus to him.” Beginning with the phrase that said, “...he was led like a sheep to the slaughter.” The Ethiopian Eunuch asked what people have asked for generations: about whom was the prophet writing? And Philip told him Jesus. Jesus described as a lamb 800 years before he was born. Jesus described dying by what could have been crucifixion (before it had been invented) and being buried in a rich man’s tomb. Jesus described as being “marred beyond human likeness.”
I was speaking with someone going through a really tough time, and feeling justified in his anger and defensive posture and asked this question, “It sounds like you are feeling betrayed by these people. Do you think Jesus could relate to that feeling?” And the bravado, the pride, the attempt to deflect and defend vanished and he looked at me suddenly stymied: “Of course he could,” he replied, “he was betrayed by so many.” “Well, then, do you think since you share that feeling, this situation might be used to help you grow closer to him?”
Sometimes we spend lots of time saying we believe but less time applying what that means to the real, daily circumstances of our lives. Perhaps like the Ethiopian we need to face off with the fact that Jesus really did something for us, to change us, to pull us from our own postures of defensiveness and into a place of submission and openness. And that we too can relate to Him, indeed, can encounter him where we are.
Don’t skip worship - join us online - but come and let Jesus encounter you in your everyday life.
We will continue to worship online this Sunday, March 22, in accordance with the bishop’s directive. Worship will begin at 9:00 am. These directions will take a few minutes, so start early. Or you may do the setup today, bookmark the page, and join us with your coffee or tea at 9:00!
To join us online, click here. You will be prompted to install the Webex application if you haven’t done so already. The link should go directly to the worship service at 9:00 am on Sunday. If the link doesn’t work for you, go to webex.com, click ‘Join’ and enter these details:
Meeting number (access code): 628 983 030
Meeting password: Q3fdYt4WEw3
You may also join using a smartphone by calling 408-418-9388.
Social distance but spiritual closeness!
Dear all --
In this season of isolation from one another and from worship, it is easy to forget that our ministry still continues even when we are not there. Certainly the building is not as busy, but we still have bills that are part of the greater work that makes it possible to have that space WHEN we get to return there.
So, as you go about your quarantine if you could still remember to give, that would be great, whenever you normal pattern is set.
You can use the above link to give online or can send in your support via bill pay with your bank or by the post. Since it looks like this quarantine may last for a while, thanks for remembering the ongoing ministry of our worshiping community!
Love all around...
Brian
With the arrival of spring, you know Day of Action can’t be far behind!
This year, on Sunday, April 19, we will re-visit Meadow Park Middle School at 14050 SW Downing St in Beaverton. We will be weeding, planting, and spreading mulch.
We will also be assembling 100 bag lunches to deliver to houseless folks downtown. Amy Fiederowicz is organizing that effort if you would like to contribute.
We will begin with worship at Westside at 8:15 am. Our projects will be from 9:00 - noon, followed by lunch at the school. Plan to join us!
The Church Council has instituted a means to try to connect with everyone in the congregation. You ought to receive a text, card, call or email from folk this week to check in on you. If you have needs we could help with, please let us know.
Pastor Brian: 503-522-1426, shimer7@gmail.com
Wendy Fedderly: 503-475-8526, wendy.fedderly@comcast.net
Kari Suppes, 503-381-3292, gobeavs_kari@yahoo.com
If you need a phone number, visit westsidejourney.com/directory.
Thanks for walking in this season together. Stay connected! Call people. Touch base. Show love.
Church worship moved online. Sports canceled. State of emergency declared. Panicked shoppers. No toilet paper anyplace.
What a strange and wild time we are living in.
The “virus of paranoia” is much more severe than the Coronavirus could ever be. It is in the air. My brother-in-law asked my sister yesterday morning, “Why am I feeling so anxious?” Truly, there is nothing to be anxious about. The impact of the Coronavirus itself is relatively small.
In Wuhan province where the virus started the reported death rate is under 5% (80,000 cases and 3,000 deaths). Many of those died because those who could have used it could not get medical attention. The most endangered are those already compromised by age and lung issues. But even with those issues, many, many recover without incident. Medical professionals are telling people, if you have a fever and cough, stay home. Basically, “let it work its way through your system.” The advice is not to rush to the doctors unless you are having trouble breathing. Could this tell us something about this thing?
Has anyone thought of the story, “The Emperor’s New Clothes” recently? It is a great Hans Christian Anderson story. It is the story of about two weavers who promise an emperor a new suit of clothes that they say is invisible to those who are unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent – while in reality, they make no clothes at all, making everyone believe the clothes are invisible to them. When the emperor parades before his subjects in his new "clothes", no one dares to say that they do not see any suit of clothes on him for fear that they will be seen as stupid. Finally, a child cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!" And the ruse is “uncovered!”
The child tells the truth, not fearing that he will be seen as stupid.
I keep thinking of that story, for this Coronavirus really is not something as vicious as it is being made out to be. No zombies. No meltdowns – like get it and you dissolve. Certainly, I am in agreement that we need to be mindful of those who could be compromised by it. But the level of panic seems not to fit the virus at all. I keep wondering, what is really going on with this thing?
But whatever the answer might be there, the thing is this: God is bigger than it or any scheme behind it. God has this and God has us.
I loved the word by a Christian leader named Shawn Bolz who gave a word of prophecy regarding the Coronavirus which speaks to this. A prophetic word refers to someone receiving insight, direction from the Lord directly to give to others. The purpose of prophecy is to encourage, build up, strengthen or correct (1 Corinthians 14:2).
“The Lord showed me the end of the Coronavirus. The tide is turning now!
God is on the side of humanity. He is answering the prayers and cries of the nations and is putting an end in sight. The exaggerated fear-based tactics of both the enemy and several media outlets for political reasons is coming to an end. The enemy has been trying to distract and steal from several equally important purposes and issues by dominating airwaves with conspiracy and fear.”
“Within a short amount of time, the extreme threat will feel like it is in the past. God is using prayers from around the world as a highway for healing and to bring about solutions in a mighty way. Even now several vaccines are coming out as well as a natural dissipation of the virus itself.”
“The Lord is saying, ‘I am removing the threat of this. This will not be this generation’s story, that they survived the Coronavirus. This generation has so much potential and the enemy is trying to bring the threat of death and fear. I will bring faith and health so that my full life can come forth in this day.’ Trust God’s heart. Don’t react but be proactive in your love and trust in Jesus. Declare his word over your household.”
Trust God in this time. Cast your cares upon the One who truly cares for you. Do not let fear rule, but trust, trust, trust.
And look for the blessings that are abounding. In our online worship time on Sunday, we shared what we have seen come from this and there was a list of many “God sightings” in the middle of this time. Time to hang with the kids. Our grandson Theo’s preschool sent a multi-page list “What to do while in quarantine” to all the families. It is filled with brilliant and joyful ideas from science projects in the kitchen, to making a fort of pillows and blankets! There is the gift of a slowed schedule caused by the default of many things being canceled. Time. Time supplied for phone calls with friends, to pray, to write, to be. Time given for coffee, for potty training! Some spoke of a new awareness of those who need to be protected. Another spoke of how they felt perhaps this time will rekindle “care” for others in word and deed.
In a poem written by an Irish priest, Brother Richard, called “Lockdown” which has gone viral, there is another invitation. I’ve decided to print his poem here. It is beautiful:
Yes there is fear.
Yes there is isolation.
Yes there is panic buying.
Yes there is sickness.
Yes there is even death.
But,
They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise
You can hear the birds again.
They say that after just a few weeks of quiet
The sky is no longer thick with fumes
But blue and grey and clear.
They say that in the streets of Assisi
People are singing to each other
across the empty squares,
keeping their windows open
so that those who are alone
may hear the sounds of family around them.
They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland
Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound.
Today a young woman I know
is busy spreading fliers with her number
through the neighbourhood
So that the elders may have someone to call on.
Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples
are preparing to welcome
and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary
All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting
All over the world people are looking at their neighbours in a new way
All over the world people are waking up to a new reality
To how big we really are.
To how little control we really have.
To what really matters.
To Love.
So we pray and we remember that
Yes there is fear.
But there does not have to be hate.
Yes there is isolation.
But there does not have to be loneliness.
Yes there is panic buying.
But there does not have to be meanness.
Yes there is sickness.
But there does not have to be disease of the soul
Yes there is even death.
But there can always be a rebirth of love.
Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now.
Today, breathe.
Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic
The birds are singing again
The sky is clearing,
Spring is coming,
And we are always encompassed by Love.
Open the windows of your soul
And though you may not be able
to touch across the empty square,
Sing
Sing.
Wouldn’t it be cool if out of this time, this unusual season, we rediscovered what it is like to Sabbath, to slow down, to take time for the elderly and compromised around us, to reach out, to show care, to be a people who are kind to one another?
It can be just that. Keep trusting. Keep placing your faith in the One who is larger than anything with the name virus. Indeed, may the only virus that is spread from now on be that grand, unstoppable “virus” of love! And may it spread through you and me. So, sing, friends, sing.
HomePlate Youth Services, which assists homeless youth, has made the difficult decision to suspend the drop-in centers for at least four weeks. This includes the Aloha site where we serve dinner on the third Wednesday of each month. Tomorrow night, March 18, was to be our next visit but it has been canceled.
HomePlate is instead expanding their day-space and outreach hours and focusing their services out of their Beaverton office.
Closing the drop-in sites means less access for youth so they are putting together resource backpacks for the youth to have. If you'd like to help get resources together for these bags, see the list here: RESOURCE BACKPACKS. There is also a link to their Amazon Wishlist at the top of the form.
Please contact Bonnie Becker with any questions.
From Bishop Elaine Stanovsky:
I am directing the local churches of any size and other ministries in the states of Alaska, Idaho, Oregon and Washington to suspend in-person worship and other gatherings of more than 10 people for the next two weeks, starting today.
The Oregon Health Authority reminds us that “Together, we can minimize the impact of COVID-19 on our most vulnerable community members”.
(Read the Bishop’s entire letter here.)
From Pastor Brian:
Dear All --
We are following the Bishop's request to cancel worship in the sanctuary for the next two Sundays. And here I just have made great hand sanitizer for us! For this Sunday plan to either join the Zoom call (below) or check in on it at your own convenience later in the day. It will be recorded.
Sunday -- join in with Pastor Brian on Zoom at 9 am. And/or join in with Vermont Hills worship on YouTube, Zoom or Facebook at 10:30 am.
Either way and beyond stay connected with others, call up friends, talk, check in with the most vulnerable. Be the church. This is our opportunity.
Grace and Peace -- Brian
Zoom info:
Topic: Sunday Worship
Time: Mar 15, 2020 09:00 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Join Zoom Meeting https://zoom.us/j/279359615
Isaiah 53 -- this poetic picture of the Messiah written and preached by Isaiah more than 800 years before Jesus was born. Remarkable in imagery. Shocking in detail. When we compare these words to the actual historical facts we have about Jesus’ life, death and resurrection we find that it is all here, even to the grave he was put in. It is remarkable how God reveals! And look at how God let Isaiah in on a picture of what was to come so long in advance. Pierced, bruised and beaten, whipped: all words that take us to the crucifixion. Crushed evokes the image of grapes. All we like sheep have gone astray... this is a common image for people, which Jesus evoked time and again.
So often in life, we can feel like life has done to us what we read here happened to the Messiah. We can feel beaten, whipped, bruised by the words and actions of others; we can get pierced by a comment; crushed by circumstances. And as those things happen, we can take it in, take it upon ourselves and not release it.
As we walk as a people through this chapter what my hope is, is simple: I would like us to reacquaint ourselves with Jesus and let him have all of us, all the stuff we’ve carried for so long and let Him carry us as he came to do.
People might say, “Ah, you just go to church because you need a crutch in life. I can do it alone.” But the truth is this, everyone needs to know that the stuff we are carrying has been taken for us, and we each need to allow this One to have our things too. If people could “do it alone,” why are we the most disconnected and lonely of all generations? How is that “going it alone” working for them, really?
We need each other. I need you. You need me and we both need Jesus. That’s the rock-bottom truth.
Come to worship to experience how God had you in mind when he prompted Isaiah to write this message.
Many thanks to Stephanie Raether and her “crew”, Tony, Dylan, and mom, for their hard work beautifying the church grounds. What began as a power washing of the patio area grew to include weeding and spreading bark dust. It looks wonderful!
Lunch was provided by Francie and baby Sloane.
THANK YOU to all of them for effort and the joy they spread.
Next time you’re at church, be sure to notice and thank Stephanie!
Gerry Edwards shared an email from a friend of his, which was published here. Dr. James Robb, MD, FCAP was one of the first molecular virologists in the world to work on the coronaviruses (in the 1970s). And he was the first to demonstrate the number of genes the virus contained. Since then he has kept up with the coronavirus field and its multiple clinical transfers into the human population (e.g., SARS, MERS), from different animal sources. He predicts the virus to be widespread in the US by mid-March or April. And he lists the precautions he is taking, which are the same as one might take during the influenza season.
Dr. Robb notes: “This virus is spread in large droplets by coughing and sneezing. This means that the air will not infect you! BUT all the surfaces where these droplets land are infectious for about a week on average - everything that is associated with infected people will be contaminated and potentially infectious. The virus is on surfaces and you will not be infected unless your unprotected face is directly coughed or sneezed upon. This virus only has cell receptors for lung cells (it only infects your lungs). The only way for the virus to infect you is through your nose or mouth via your hands or an infected cough or sneeze onto or into your nose or mouth.” We touch our faces about 90 times a day, so if you did touch a drop elsewhere, it is important to keep your hands clean so you don’t touch your face.
As this virus can only impact you through the means of being inhaled, it helps to drink some water about every 15 minutes, for if you swallow the virus, your stomach acid will kill it. It can only infect lung cells.
What about communion? It is not a problem. You receive the bread from the hands of one who is cleaned up. You dip it yourself into the juice. You swallow what you receive. The virus cannot be passed in the air. It takes droplets – so a sneeze or cough in your face. No need to fear. You cannot get the virus by taking communion. Besides, we have prayed up, it is a sanctified meal!
So here are things he recommends. You are welcome to adopt any or all of these at Westside. We will seek to get supplies in so you feel safe. We are wiping down all the chairs and surfaces with alcohol wipes this week. Even as we do this, remember the CDC has reminded us that the risk is very low with this virus. It can be lethal to those already suffering from lung issues. But even for them, with proper care, the risk is low. The health care location in Kirkland that has experienced so many deaths, just last April was fined $67,000 over their lack of infection control in their facility. Charges were removed by last June, but perhaps they are not where to look to see the danger posed by this virus.
Here are Dr. Robb’s recommendations:
1) REPLACE HANDSHAKING! Use a fist bump, slight bow, elbow bump, toe touch, etc.
2) USE Your knuckles to touch light switches, elevator buttons. Or use a paper towel and dispose of it.
3) USE closed fist or hip to open doors. If you grasp a handle, then, wash your hands or use sanitizer. This is especially important on bathroom and post office/commercial doors.
4) USE disinfectant wipes at stores for the handles of carts, etc. Remember if you wear gloves for this protection not to touch your face with them on. (At Costco, they have a new person actually wiping down every cart handle for you!) Dr. Robb also recommends using a surgical mask to prevent touching your face.
5) WASH your hands with soap for 10-20 seconds and/or use a greater than 60% alcohol-based hand sanitizer whenever you return home from ANY activity that involves locations where other people have been.
6) KEEP a bottle of sanitizer available at each of your home's entrances and in your car
7) COUGH OR SNEEZE INTO a disposable tissue and discard. Sneeze/cough into your elbow only if you have to. The clothing on your elbow will contain an infectious virus that can be passed on for up to a week or more!
Wearing a surgical mask will not prevent a direct sneeze from getting into your nose or mouth. And actually, it is better to breathe fresh air, so only do this for short periods if you are out, to avoid touching your face. He also recommends using zinc lozenges, especially if allowed to bathe the back of the throat.
Please feel free to simply inform others of what you are practicing. If no handshakes or hugs, that’s fine. Let us know. I find hugs actually healing. So I’ll still hug, if you want one, but just won’t breathe in your face!
We will take every precaution to assure that worship is in an environment that allows freedom from the virus and therefore freedom from fear, and an open place to experience the presence and beauty of God.
Come as you are. Be who you are. Don’t fear.
You are loved.
Brian
Every Sunday, Pastor Brian poses a question that relates to what we’ve discussed during the worship service. This is the question and answers from last Sunday. If you’d like, add your answer in the Comments.
Question: Sin is heavy: what word best describes that weight for you?
Answers:
Guilt.
This answer was actually given by more than one person. Guilt is a heavy burden but isn’t it a blessing that we feel this sense of guilt so that we are motivated to seek forgiveness and release the weight?
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.” Hebrews 12:1 (New Living Translation)
March 24, 2 years ago, I drove Gabrielle to the airport. She then was a flight attendant. Enroute I brought up a conversation that we had partially had another day.
During that previous conversation, I had asked if she had had any problems with stalkers and she said, “Dad, I mean this in the utmost love, that you are the only stalker that I have had.” What she meant was this -- I was so connected into her schedule, that I’d text her as she landed in a new place welcoming her there, etc. But, her making that connection to a stalker chilled me to the bone. So, on that drive, March 24th, I brought up the comment.
“I really want you to know,” I said, “I don’t ever want that to be the cause of the way you were feeling. So if I am doing anything that would cause you to feel that way, then I ‘ll stop.”
Saying this I knew I was stepping into some truth places that could hurt me. And I was right.
Gabrielle said she was really joking in the comment, but talking further, clearly she had deep feelings about the texts that I had sent along her journeys to her, welcoming her someplace, etc. She has felt really unsettled in this new life although she loved the work, and so to have me welcoming her before she even knew where she has arrived was tough. It felt overwhelming to her to send me her schedule, for the result was this hyper attention! She knew it should not be a big deal; she felt badly about that feeling.
Isn’t it incredible that often we struggle with “Shoulds” in our hearts? We can “should” ourselves, when what we need to do instead is communicate. That’s what Gabri needed to do.
So, we spoke further and I could tell that I needed to really let her go. I needed to release her and stop holding so tightly. I had been trying to hold to her world for I felt increasingly pushed to the edge. Others would get pictures and texts that I would feel left out.
Suddenly I realized I was feeling like my dad might have felt when I didn’t mention what he had written in a letter and there my mom sought to fill in the gap for him.
This was a step back in time. I had lived in Switzerland, at 17, in 1976 and she had written to me in a letter: “Next time you write mention that you enjoyed what your dad had said to you. He doesn’t think you notice him.”
Even then, in 1976, six years before his death, dad knew we lacked a relationship and he knew that he was not “in” and mom was. It was a real thing this emotionally incestuous relationship I had with Mom. I was more connected to her and she controlled me.
The pain welled up within me as I sat in the car with Gabri. I felt a sob from deep in my heart and I began to cry there in the car with Gabri. I knew I had to let her go.
So, we finished this conversation with a simple decision: I would not receive her schedules anymore. Not knowing where she was and knowing just what she chose to share with me. I wouldn’t know, and didn’t need to know. I could text anytime. And she could choose to answer or not.
“Dad, I don’t want to leave you crying,” she said as we sat there, waiting for her to step from the car. I was so upset inside. I tried to just breathe through intense pain. I calmed down a bit and was able to stop crying with her. Later, I could do so when I was at home.
Gabri had stayed present throughout the conversation. It was a good one for me to have. And better me with her, than her expressing her frustrations about me to Grace or her Mom.
We hugged and I drove away feeling ok but not great. I was not crying then. I then spent the day with my nephew, Christopher. He and I had a good time. I just pushed the whole thing with Gabri to the side. When I got home, the pain overcame me like a tidal wave. I felt it so intensely. And I sobbed and sobbed. It was a deep emotional loss.
“Oh God!” I cried out, “I hate this life like this. This emotion is so difficult. I am so sad, Papa. So very sad. I cannot find my center.”
That’s when the gentle voice of our holy God flowed over me:
“You gave Gabri a great gift today, my Son. A great, great gift.”
“What was that, Father?” I asked.
“You gave her the freedom to be honest and to tell you the truth of her heart.
You gave her the right to be her own person and released her from YOUR need to know all about her. You gave her -- her wings. She needs to fly free with ME little One. She cannot do so as long as you cling.
I know what it is to give up what is most dear. I know what this pain feels like. Son, My Son. Let me hold you close.
She will be able to be all that I have dreamed for her to be. You were very brave.”
This was an experience with the God who speaks and carries me, and you, moment by moment. Remember this God in those times that feel dark and hard.
If you’ve ever known the weight of your sin crushing you, ever felt like there was something against which you were powerless, ever experienced the defeat of just not being good enough, ever carried a list within you -- a long list of negatives, ever done something that seemed to sit upon you like a dense cloud, then don’t miss this Sunday.
There is one word in this passage today that is an echo and a fulfillment. We can lightly pass over it. It can mean nothing to us, but indeed this word, this one word means everything.
I remember the night I gave my heart to Jesus and remember that there were no fireworks or any great emotional experience, but I also remember that I began to hear His voice thereafter. And then Jesus, who had begun a new work, began to clean out the closets of sin. I had so many closets closed up in my heart in which I stored all kinds of bad feelings, hurts, transgressions, and guilt. And Jesus began to “clean house.” As he did so, something happened I never expected -- light began to dawn in the darkness and once clean it was like Christmas got celebrated in each of those places and the closets once cleaned out were opened up and set free from storing darkness. I remember the first time I experienced this overwhelming sensation of what felt like waves of love flowing over me. I remember how as Jesus cleaned things up, I could more fully experience all HE had for me. It was a process. But what this process was, is illustrated in the one word we will focus on this Sunday. The word “Carried.”
Truly, this is one of those remarkable, jaw-dropping revelations. That word can mean nothing or everything and when you hear the connections it makes, it might just jump to everything for you, that’s what has happened for me.
Come in. Don’t miss. Draw near. Let Him have ALL of you and let him do what He came to do for you.
Grace upon grace.
Daylight Savings begins this weekend. Don’t forget to set your clocks forward one hour on Saturday night. That’s right, you’re losing that hour of sleep that you gained back in November. Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
I wanted to personally reach out to address the current situation with the coronavirus. Every day brings new developments related to the virus, and the uncertainty can be unsettling. Let's keep praying for those we know who have been impacted personally.
I recently received an email from Alaska Airlines describing the steps they are taking. I appreciated the level tone, so opposite to some of the media coverage. And clearly, by the panic shopping that happened last weekend, there are many ill at ease.
I think the most reasonable statement I heard was published in that Alaska letter, here's what Andrew Harrison wrote:
"We understand that everyone is in a different place when it comes to what is best for you and your family. Just recently, Dr. Robert Redfield, Director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, said 'I just want to echo again that the risk is low—the risk is low. I encourage Americans to go about their life. That includes travel to California, Oregon and the state of Washington.'"
Don't you love that: "go about their life." Amen. Fear is never a response that is appropriate, for I promise God is much bigger than any illness. Wisdom always is appropriate. So, wash your hands, frequently. Use hand sanitizer if you like and can afford it now that the sales have gone up 255%! if you feel ill, and are concerned, stay at home. If you are well, come and worship. If you don't want handshakes or hugs, offer your elbow or tell us. It is ok.
No matter what you choose, remember, God has this. He has you. This virus has not shocked God, caught him by surprise nor caused him to panic. God is in charge, always. There is always more going on that we can see -- both in the realm of evil and in the realms of Good. So, place confident trust in God. Rest in God's good care.
I hope to worship with you on Sunday!
Pastor Brian
Mark your calendars for this special Holy Week event.
We will gather in the Lighthouse at 6:00 pm on Thursday, April 9, to share a meal prepared by Sandy Holt and to remember Jesus’ Last Supper with the disciples.
Please RSVP at signups.wumc.me.